The Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous H.O.W. Concept has been formed to offer the Sex and Love Addict (who accepts the twelve steps and twelve traditions as a program of recovery) a disciplined and structured approach. The SLAA H.O.W. groups have been formed in the belief that our disease is absolute and therefore only absolute acceptance of the H.O.W. program will offer any sustained sobriety to those of us whose compulsion has reached a critical level. Therefore the H.O.W. defined bottom-line sobriety, the steps, traditions and tools of recovery are not suggested. Rather, we accept them as requirements for our recovery. You must commit to a black and white sobriety so you may deal with the grey areas of living.In H.O.W. we have found that, if we commit to using the Tools of Recovery on a daily basis, our disease of Sex and Love Addiction can be arrested one day at a time. Here are the tools as we work them according to the H.O.W. Concept.
1. Bottom-Line Sobriety
We have the willingness to stop acting out in our own bottom-line addictive behavior on a daily basis. There are no absolutes for sobriety in SLAA, as individual patterns of Sex and Love Addiction vary. In H.O.W. each Sex and Love Addict works with a sponsor to identify his or her personal bottom-lines. We become sober by abstaining from these bottom-line behaviors on a daily basis. We also believe that negative thinking is a large part of our disease, so we are learning, one day at a time, to abstain from negative thinking.
2. Literature and Writing
We use the AA Big Book and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions as tools of examination and release. When we substitute the words ‘Sex and Love Addict’ for ‘Alcoholic’ and ‘Sex and Love’ for ‘Alcohol’ we feel that we identify absolutely. Our writing assignments in H.O.W are taken from these. In addition, we refer to SLAA related literature. The HOW Concept and Tools
We make 4 calls a day: one to our sponsor and three outreach calls to other SLAA members. The phone is like a lifeline – we need the contact. It can be like a mini-meeting. Phone lists are available from Sponsors.
We recommend that you attend a minimum of three meetings a week. Meetings are dedicated to the concept of remaining honest, open-minded and willing to listen – this is the H.O.W. of the program.
5. Prayer and Meditation
We practice daily prayer and meditation to develop a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves that can guide and sustain us in recovery. We insure our continued and sustained abstinence from Sex and Love Addiction by being forever aware that God is doing for us what we have never been able to do for ourselves.
Service is freedom from the bondage of self. It is working the tools of the program to the best of our ability – giving back what we have been given – by helping out at meetings – setting up chairs, making coffee, welcoming& newcomers. Sobriety is a service to ourselves and the group.
A SLAA / H.O.W Sponsor is a Sex and Love Addict who, thank God, has 30 days of continuous sobriety working the SLAA / H.O.W. Concept and has taken the First Three Steps. In keeping with our Second Tradition, our leaders are but trusted servants – they do not govern. A sponsor should be a person we are not in danger of acting out with, or are likely to find intrigue with. A potential sexual partner as sponsor would interfere with the primary purpose& of the sponsor relationship, which is recovery through the program of SLAA. Sometimes this means a sponsor should be of the same sex; sometimes of the opposite sex. Discretion, common sense, and our Higher Power can guide us in our selection.