Racism and Relationship Questions


  1. Do you only seek partners of your own race? If yes, is this because you want to feel connected to your community, or because you need a partner to validate that you belong?
  2. What do you want your relationship legacy to be?
  3. Do you only seek white partners? If so, why?
  4. Do you feel inadequate in your own community? i.e Not feeling Black enough, Asian enough etc.
  5. Do you believe that white people expect you to take care of them or submit to them?
  6. Colourism and light skin privilege is internalised racism and white supremacy within communities of color. Share your experience of colourism and/or feelings about your skin colour.
  7. Do you view white people as better, more important, or more powerful than you?
  8. Due to negative stereotypes or experiences with other people of colour, do you have difficulty trusting people within your racial group, or other people of colour?
  9. Share on what you love about yourself?
  10. How does internalised racism manifest itself in your behaviour?
  11. Do you see white people as the enemy? Do you find yourself frequently angry with white people?
  12. What are you tolerating? why? How can you change it?
  13. Healthy racial identity and nurturing is the ability to give and receive care from others within our racial group. This means giving up control, letting go and learning to trust others, discuss.
  14. What people, places and things fill you with energy?
  15. Do you find it difficult or exhausting being around people within your ethnic group, even if you like them?
  16. Do you stereotype white people? Do you think they are all the same?
  17. Where could you add more playfulness to your life?
  18. People of colour are often stereotyped in white supremacy culture as hyper sexual, submissive and/or sexually aggressive. How has this impacted how you feel about your sexuality, and do you seek out people who will view you as a sexual stereotype?
  19. Discuss your experience of working with a sponsor from a different/same ethnic group. Have you avoided sharing honestly about racism in your step work, or with your sponsor? If so, why?
  20. Do you fear intimacy or connection with others inside/outside your racial group?
  21. How has your racial sobriety (or lack of it), impacted your relationships?
  22. Do you feel invisible? Are you afraid of being seen and heard as a person of colour? Share on racial anorexia?
  23. How did your parents care and express love for each other and how has this impacted the way you view relationships?
  24. Share a top line that would/is transforming your SLAA recovery?
  25. Do I trust myself? Discuss.
  26. What has your father taught you about men, masculinity and love within your culture?
  27. Do you avoid embracing your racial identity to be accepted by white people? Share your fears around embracing it?
  28. When was the last time you felt joy and what were you doing?
  29. Did you obsess about having European standards of beauty growing up? How has this impacted your concept of beauty and relationships today?
  30. What has your mother taught you about women, femininity and love within your culture?
  31. Do you practice self compassion? How?
  32. Racism often includes sexual domination, sexual abuse and harassment. This creates shame about our skin colour and bodies, making us feel less than human. Discuss.
  33. How will you know that you are living in the promises of SLAA recovery?
  34. Share on your experience with racial slurs? Have you ever been verbally abused? Do you use or accept them as a term of endearment e.g. the ‘N word’?  Discuss.
  35. What is working in your recovery?
  36. Healthy racial identity and self-definition is a clear knowledge and acceptance of myself and my culture. I embrace the positive and negative, with the ability to honestly express my boundaries and cultural needs. Clarifying priorities and setting racial boundaries can help me to stay safe. How can I begin taking a stand about who I am as a person of colour.
  37. What new behaviors would make your SLAA recovery extraordinary.